When your time is up, everything goes against your favour.
When your time is not, every little help comes your way.
Dying is no longer considered a waiting process at your ripe old age, it hits on us at any age, in any way, any where. My curiosity about death started at a very young age. What is it like, where do we go, will I be alone? I used to cry at the thought of gasping for air and staring blank in space like in sleep. That's my definition of dying. Silly me.
But now, death brings chill down my spine from a whole new perspective.
Ask me about my fears, I can name you a few, cats, heights, slaughtering animals...
But which fear will bring tears to my eyes and makes me shudder, there's only one fear:
It is the fear of living to witness death of loved ones.
I break down. I'll lose it, I'm afraid.
That's probably what I'll be when it really happens.
How do people overcome this? How do you watch sufferings, and sleep soundly at night, when you know that the able and fit you can do so much but just not sure what you can do to ease their pain?
To Condition
I'm trying to condition myself now, to train and prepare my mind for the worst.
Easier said than done. Perhaps I can start by thinking of the stages.
The helpless period >> To mourn >> To pick up.
Well, it looks like it's going to linger on for quite awhile. A long while.
Pessimism helps... Me.
(I'm not encouraging this to everyone, just me.)
I don't have 100 friends on facebook, not even 10 friends on facebook. I dont keep a facebook.
I like friends, I love company, but I dont seek for friends or try to re-connect with friends.
I keep a circle of close contacts and I like it that way.
I don't need many friends, but just enough good friends would be good enough.
I treasure good friends whom I can click with. My thoughts can get strange and fuzzy and following my trail is not easy. Hence, these few good friends are important in my life.
Family is without a doubt just as, if not MOST important in my life.
I can't imagine losing any one of them. So might as well not try to expand the circle.
It is my form of consolation or delusion, you may say. I think this works well for me.
Constant Reminders
On the brighter side, I like this fear.
The clock is ticking. It helps to keep me in check.
It reminds me that there is nothing more I need to fear when you have fear for something already that great;
it reminds me to be more tolerant to difficult people or situations;
it reminds me to treasure people I love;
it reminds me to treat people with respect and compassion.
Will I be able to manage this?
At least I'm writing about this, I think I can. I will & I must.
When your time is not, every little help comes your way.
Dying is no longer considered a waiting process at your ripe old age, it hits on us at any age, in any way, any where. My curiosity about death started at a very young age. What is it like, where do we go, will I be alone? I used to cry at the thought of gasping for air and staring blank in space like in sleep. That's my definition of dying. Silly me.
But now, death brings chill down my spine from a whole new perspective.
Ask me about my fears, I can name you a few, cats, heights, slaughtering animals...
But which fear will bring tears to my eyes and makes me shudder, there's only one fear:
It is the fear of living to witness death of loved ones.
I break down. I'll lose it, I'm afraid.
That's probably what I'll be when it really happens.
How do people overcome this? How do you watch sufferings, and sleep soundly at night, when you know that the able and fit you can do so much but just not sure what you can do to ease their pain?
To Condition
I'm trying to condition myself now, to train and prepare my mind for the worst.
Easier said than done. Perhaps I can start by thinking of the stages.
The helpless period >> To mourn >> To pick up.
Well, it looks like it's going to linger on for quite awhile. A long while.
Pessimism helps... Me.
(I'm not encouraging this to everyone, just me.)
I don't have 100 friends on facebook, not even 10 friends on facebook. I dont keep a facebook.
I like friends, I love company, but I dont seek for friends or try to re-connect with friends.
I keep a circle of close contacts and I like it that way.
I don't need many friends, but just enough good friends would be good enough.
I treasure good friends whom I can click with. My thoughts can get strange and fuzzy and following my trail is not easy. Hence, these few good friends are important in my life.
Family is without a doubt just as, if not MOST important in my life.
I can't imagine losing any one of them. So might as well not try to expand the circle.
It is my form of consolation or delusion, you may say. I think this works well for me.
Constant Reminders
On the brighter side, I like this fear.
The clock is ticking. It helps to keep me in check.
It reminds me that there is nothing more I need to fear when you have fear for something already that great;
it reminds me to be more tolerant to difficult people or situations;
it reminds me to treasure people I love;
it reminds me to treat people with respect and compassion.
Will I be able to manage this?
At least I'm writing about this, I think I can. I will & I must.
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